Why I Don’t Have a Girlfriend Anymore.

I hate having a girlfriend.  Why? Because I hate dating.  I just want to be done with it and be happily married.  I though I met someone who felt the same way about me.  We dated for two years, so I bought her a ring.  I wanted the proposal to be amazing and unforgettable.  Unfortunately, it is unforgettable for all the wrong reasons.  This is the story of me losing my girlfriend. 

When I was fifteen I thought of a great way to purpose.  I would have to be down in Florida or some typical place. I would take her for a walk on the beach during a sunset.  I would hide the ring in a seashell, which would be in my pocket.  As the sunset was burning through the sky, I would get down to one knee acting like I was picking up a seashell, but show her my shell with the ring in it.

Due to insignificant funds, I couldn’t afford to go down to Florida.  So I thought taking her to the bay by campus would be the next best thing.  I was wrong.

I have been living in Green Bay for four years now and I have never walked down to the bay.  Looking back, I wish I would have though.

It was about 7 o’clock and we were driving back from dinner.  It was an overcast sky, but I still wanted to propose on some sort of beach during some sort of sunset.

I asked her if she wanted to go down to the bay. She had a confused look on her face but nodded her head yes.  Five minutes later we arrived at the bay.

The bay has two parking lots. One is paved and very beautiful.  It has the greenest crab grass you could image. A couple of picnic tables, and a willow tree that branches drape over the water. The other lot has a gravelly, unpaved road and looks like it could be use to shoot a scene of a horror movie.  So naturally I wanted to do it at the part of the bay I felt like we were not going to get murdered.

So we pulled up to the nice parking lot, and it is packed. I didn’t want to propose to her with people watching because I would feel very awkward, especially if they started clapping.  So I decided to improvise and asked her if she wanted to go for a walk on the bay.

I’m not sure if you ever walked on the bay? DON’T! The beach part of the bay is nothing but small shells that pierce through your shoes.  And the smell is horrendous.  The best way to describe it is if you would smell a sumo wrestler’s used undergarments, then multiple by 50.

So we are walking on the bay towards the unpaved parking lot, trying not to vomit from the smell. I was hoping that the up close view of the bay would out weigh the smell of the bay.  I was wrong again.

There was no view of the bay because giant cattail plants blocked our view.  The only things we could see were dead fish and birds that were washed up on the beach.

We weren’t the only creatures who saw the dead animals through.  There were other animals feasting on the dead animals, which looked angry when they saw us.  They must of thought we were going to steal one of their dead pigeons to have for dessert.   

I wish I could of told my girlfriend not to look down, but I didn’t, and she stepped in the dead carcass of an unknown animal.

Finally, we finished walking through the valley of death to the other unpaved parking lot.  There was no one there beside a creepy older man sitting in his old rusted Ford Bronco looking at the bay.  He was parked five feet away from the only rock to sit on.  The only thing that separated the rock and the creepy man in the truck was a bush.

By bush, I mean a twig that had one dying leaf on it. 

I didn’t care though; I was ready to ask her.

In all those years of planning, I never thought of a way ask the question. 

I started to talk about anything and everything trying to find a way cleaver to ease my way into asking her. The best way to describe the way I was talking was violent verbal diarrhea.

Finally I was just blurted out the question.

My heart was pounding; sweat was dripping from head.

She stared at the ring, obliviously to her surrounding, which now included the creepy man laughing uncontrollably to himself in his truck for no apparent reason.

She then said something I will never forget—yes.

And that is the reason why I don’t have a girlfriend anymore—I have a fiancé.

There are a lot of things that went wrong that day.  Looking back, I wouldn’t change one thing, especially when she said yes.